Emotions before

What I'm feeling is hard to describe, it's a big jumbled mess lol. I've wanted it for so long that I can't really fully believe I'm about to get it done! Sure I deserve it, sure I have a company to thank for the money that I worked my butt off to win that paid for it, but still... Part of me feels lucky to be able to be doing this, but there are so many different feelings I really can't concentrate on one for long. I've went through periods where I even doubted if I deserve it and got pretty upset. See it feels a little selfish; Hubby will be doing so much while I recover and the girls won't have their usual mom for a while and it feels a little much to be doing that unnecessarily. Hubby insists that I do deserve it, he wants me to feel better about myself & be happier and this will make me happier about the things I can not change on my own.

When I'm leaner I have no boobs at all, literally. I have sad deflated skin, seriously sad. That makes me not want to stay lean in all honesty. After this though that won't be an issue. I'm getting the biggest they'd recommend for my frame (I didn't want to go through it and end up too small, and that I'm borderline needing a lift too I was thinking bigger would help fill out the skin also) which was 375ccs, am going with silicone unders. Maybe I'll actually feel hot or sexy by my 30th birthday for the first time in forever.

Nervous! Everything about this is the unknown for me from going under general anesthesia to recovering from major surgery etc. I know people of all ages go under all the time and are fine, my parents have and so has Hubby's parents, but still. The only major recoveries I've had is from childbirth & there weren't any c-sections there (lasik eye surgery doesn't really count much). The surgeon has over 15 years experience in plastic surgery, his before & afters were great, the whole staff there seemed very nice, but I don't have the personal experience of his work. I'm prone to falling into depression and I'm scared that I will after surgery (since it's so common) I'll try my best not to, but you can't control it!

Excited! There are so many reasons to be excited I can't even list them all. The tummy tuck is easy ~ showing my belly in public and not being upset, not constantly tugging at my shirts, not having to tuck & pull in pics, and so on. The chest is pretty easy too ~ give me a greatly balanced hourglass, finally balanced top & bottom and when my body fat is lower I won't lose them completely which will be very nice!

Throw in some anxiety and hope and you pretty much have it. Hubby says I'm stressing, um how would you expect me not to? He wants me to relax, but that is hard. Yes plastic surgery is pretty common now. I'm young, fit, and healthy so I should have as good a recovery as possible, but still there are those scared/nervous/anxiety back that nagging at the good thoughts. I won't think of complications or even let myself read them on those message boards. At least soon I'll be on the recovering side of all this and hopefully it'll be things I can deal with, right now it's pretty hard to sort it all out.

7 days! No more caffeine starting today. In-laws will be here very soon! I'm thinking a liquid diet 2 days before will be perfect because I'm not sure if I'll really want to eat anyway lol.